I see her with the baby is her arms. Here you are, she says, and your hair is red! Yes oh... so cute, she is beautiful! And I hug them. I'm nervous but the excitement of being around them is far more intense than my own tension. It's a good feeling, I am not unconfortable. We sit on the couch and start talking about her pregnancy, the birth and how she is. You look great, I say, and I mean it. She is slim and fit, it makes me feel as I had a baby! She has a flat stomach and a milky breast which is just perfect. If I had been pregnant for 9 months (of course!) and breastfeding for three weeks I'd look like moby dick.
She asks about my life, my job and my partner. They met more than 10 years ago and I'm not sure she recalls him. I don't know how you've done it so far, she says. You've never lived together, it's amazing. Our paths have been very different. She moved to Milan several years ago and lived alone for a while and then with her husband. I know she thinks that I'm not as "complete" as she is but I'm fine with that, this thought doesn't ruin the meeting.
She brestfeeds the baby in a way that is very natural to me. Unlike me, she is definitely born to be a mom. It took me years to realise that I have maternal instinct but yet I'm not 100% confortable with a baby in my arms as I am with ... a puppy! Perhaps I should dedicate my life to animals instead of dreaming about babies. I take the baby for a while and I glimpse in the mirror. Am I ready? I look like a teenager with her dolly.
We are relaxed now, the conversation is easy even if the air is filled with unspoken words and emotions. It seems we haven't met for a short period of time but it's been 6 long years. It's time to go and she wants to walk with me to the underground station. Thank you, she says, I really wanted to see you because it's such a crucial moment to me and it seemed wrong not to reconnect. It seemed also wrong at my wedding and you know what? I cried when I got the flowers you sent me.
A close hug before I go. We don't cry but our eyes are far from being dry.
You 'look like a teenager with her dolly' only because it is not yours and you are not used to it!
ReplyDeleteI'm not convinced you would look anything like Moby Dick! lol
However, I loved this post and I'm so glad you went. It's a good thing.
You are probaly right, Andy. It's kjust because is not mine.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'm glad you liked it.And yes, it was good to reconnect.