She has written me. She is going to have a c section on Friday and wanted to let me know. Also, it seems that they will be moving very close to where I live (10 minutes walking). I don't know what to think, honestly. I'm trying to understand my mixed feelings of excitement, insecurity and why not? even jelousy. I thought Arte was wrong but it seems as though I am a bit jelous of her -I imagine- wonderful belly. Her baby girl will be born on Friday and I don't even live with my partner! It's strange because I'm happy for her but I also wish I could be in her shoes now. On the contrary, I can't sleep and feel dog tired. I'm exhausted and frustrated, it's not a good moment. I was fine in Rome because I had the chance, as I mentioned, to free my mind from negative thoughts but now everything seems difficult again. I even took a sleeping pill yesterday night and I know that if my current situation doesn't change, I'll have serious problems.
So, what am I supposed to do? Meet the baby and see her after 6 years? I don't think I can deal with all that, it would be overwhelming but I've just written "keep me posted, I'll see you and the baby soon". Life is so complicated. Anyway, I really hope everything will sort out well for her. She will be a great mum, I'm sure about that.
Sono cose che non riesco a comprendere perchè non conosco la gelosia, però penso che sia una sensazione molto fastidiosa da provare. Cercare di capire quali sono le radici di ciò che provi potrebbe essere d'aiuto.
ReplyDeleteHi Lola-
ReplyDeletejust remember, the moment of absolutely certainty never arrives....meanwhile, follow your heart.
Love you
Gail
peace and hope
I don't know. It seems to me, you are somehow "overcharging" this event, and this is costing you a lot of energy, which could and should be employed differently, in a more positive way.
ReplyDeleteI think you should meet them. I think this avoidance is tiring you out, and besides, you won't be able to keep avoiding them if they're moving close to you.
You are dreading this meeting, not because you're jealous (I used an inappropriate word, I'm sorry), but because it confronts you with the urgence of your personal choices.
It's not her, it's yourself you're avoiding, and there's no use doing it.
@Maninafutura, ma guarda! :D
Che ci fai qui? La blogosfera è piccola!
@Manina: bello vederti qui :) eh sì, la blogsfera è piccola. Nemmeno io avevo mai provato queste brutte sensazioni prima d'ora.
ReplyDelete@Gail: thanks, I will. Sometimes it's hard though
@Arte: you're probably right, as always;) I have been overcharging this event for so long but now it has become inevitable. Thanks for being straightforward.