Reading ...

And yet her soul was tortured, exposed. Even walking up the path to the church, confident as she was that in every respect she stood beyond all vulgar judgment, knowing perfectly that her appearance was complete and perfect, according to the first standards, yet she sufered a torture, under her confidence and her pride, feeling herself exposed to wounds and to mockery and to despite. She always felt vulnerable, vulnerable, there was a secret chink in her armour. She did not know herself what it was. It was a lack of robutst self, she had no natural sufficiency, there was a terrible void, a lack, a deficiency of being within her.

I pretend to be rigid

but in fact I'm not. I can't stick with "rules" not even with plans except for things/people I really care. In my dreams I'm a really strict goal setter, in reality I'm like everybody else, rigid and soft at the same time. So I have decided to "break the blog vacation rule" because honestly it doesn't make any sense if I miss writing! I miss writing and reading in English even though I'd made up another rule: reading in Italian for a little while. I'll have to write a book in Italian in the near future so... it's better to warm up! No way. I read a book in Italian and then yesterday night I switched back to my Lolita that is wonderful, disturbing and written in an amazing English (I always feel like crap when I read Nabokov knowing that he wasn't mother tongue!). Oh my, what a marvellous prose!

Nabokov is my uncle's favourite writer. I don't think I've touched "my uncle" issue here. In any case, he is one of the most important person in my life and did have an impact on my cultural background. I see him everyday (more than my dad who would be mad if he comes across this post!) and I can't even imagine my life without this brilliant, strange, amazing man. It's difficult to describe such a person, he is just my zio and I love him the way he is. All this to say that Nabokov is dear to me because of my uncle even though I haven't read all his books. Like Tolkien. The first book my uncle gave me when I was a child was The Hobbit and I still have that book.

More writing to come...

A blog vacation

Hi there, it's June 30th. I'm leaving in 3 weeks and I aim at NOT spending July and August in front of my laptop except for work commitments.

This is blog is on vacation until August 31st. I'll be extensively writing on my moleskine so I'll probably post my summer journal here in September.

Enjoy the summer!

Hidden fire

The main risk when one is so focused on writing is losing touch with reality. I don't bake, dress up, go out anymore: I am absorbed in my thoughts. Moreover writing in another language is a significant effort, I'm exhausted at the end of the day. I can't even speak sometimes. I have become to realize that this is one of the few things I'm good at. Not sure I could do something else.

One of the main reason why I'm so looking forward to have a baby is being closer to my inner nature. I'm much more than my writings, have a look under the surface! There's a hidden fire.

March?

This is the very first time I see snow in March. It's very unusual and I'm not sure I like it. It's far too cold for me and we're planning to go south after Easter to enjoy the sun. However, this weather is perfect to focus on my writing commitments which are very demanding. I spend a great amount of time writing in English about interesting topics (at least interesting to me) and I'm working hard to meet all the deadlines. I met the first one, now I only have to meet all the others!

Coffee saves me.

Things I have been silent about

I still have deadlines and I'll be pretty busy until May. I have thought about this blog, though, and I do want to keep this space alive. An idea came to my mind few days ago but I immediately "erase" it.

There is no need to delete this blog because I like how I have shaped the boundaries of my own story and identity so far thanks to this tool. What is a blog if not a narrative tool to covey our version of our personal history?

Besides, for the very first time and unlike past virtual experiences, I feel that this is my very personal space where -for unknown reasons- I feel free to write about me. I lreally like to be read by the few people who know about this blog and I enjoy writing in English.

I've came up with a potential solution. As March, April and May will be hectic as far as work, travels and several commitments, the only way to nurture this space is writing during the weekend. I'm sure it will work for me, except when I'll be away from home. I also want to catch up with my favourite blogs.

Blogprolific will become a weekend blog, that's my own commitment to myself and my readers. How does it sound?

ps. I'm reading a wonderful book, it's truly inspiring and I'll be writing about it soon.

Where/When do you write?

I don't write everywhere. I usually write at home because I share a small office with two colleagues and I don't want them to stare at me while I'm writing private stuff. They don't know about this blog and I'm not eager to let them know. If I am alone I do have a look at the blog or the comments and occasionally I write but I have to be completely alone. I also need a considerable amount of silence and there's only one quiet place where I can focus: my house. I'm NOT multitasking though, so I can't speak while writing, especially if I'm not using my native language. It's time consuming because I'm not very confident and I check on the Internet every now and then. I need an empty room (the dog is always allowed of course), the right mood and -possibly- the right light. Another reason why I can't write for a long time at work is a sort of neon lights effect which is disturbing to me. If the light is gentle, my thoughts are "soft" too.

I love writing when I'm staying alone in a hotel room, especially when I'm abroad. It seems as though I have plenty of time to think despite the fact that this is never the case. If I'm lucky enough to have half a day on my own, I have lunch in my room while writing, thinking, working, reading and so forth. It doesn't matter if I'm in Greece and the weather is great, I'm so focused on me and on my writing commitments that I don't want to be outdoor.

I don't know if these are writing habits. I'm flexible enough to write in a noise place if I have to but I rather prefer waiting for the "right moment" (and light and mood....).

I'm much more flexible with reading. A good book is all I need, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. Few years ago I manged to read while I was drying my hair and it was quite an experience. By the way, I'm stiking to New Year Resolution # 2. Amazing, isn't it?

What about you? Do you have writing habits?

I did it again

I know, it's unbelievable. Another adventure in the blogland. Nobody knows about this blog, except my "blogger friend" Andy who is likely to be my only reader. Neither my friends nor my partner have a clue about this crazy obsession of mine and I don't want to advertise this public-private spot. I did have quite a nice blog but then -as usual- while I was in Canada I had a chat with my friend about blogs and social networks and I changed my mind again. She strongly disapproves blogs and I didn't want her to be upset because I'd written something about my Canadian experience (I've proabably messed up the verbs here but I'm recovering from the surgery!).

As I mentioned, I'm recovering from a surgery I had one week ago. I feel fine, the surgery went well but the healing process is long. I have to stay at home for a month, no stress, I can't lift up heavy things and I can't even go out with my dog which sucks. My boy is too big.

I attempted reading light books in Italian but I couldn't focus due to anesthesia side effects. I tried again yesterday but I rather prefer watching crap on tv which is very unusual to me. What I can do is writing. I've written lots of emails all around the globe to reassure my friends and colleagues: I'm fine guys, don't worry. I can also read in English (just started this) but mostly I spend a great amount of time doing nothing. I feel good but probably my body and my mind need time to recharge the batteries. The less in on mind the better it is. However, I've missed writing and given the fact that I don't want to write in Italian for reasons I explained elsewhere, I will write here in English.

It's pretty cold here. I mean, I don't know exactely how cold it is outside but I'm surprised it hasn't snowed yet. I see few rays of light from my window and everything is still and quite. The dog is sleeping on the couch, I'm sure he's dreaming about running with me. Be patient baby, we'll run together soon.