It's gray

or grey?

I'm not in the mood for anything except for knitting and reading which I can certainly do given that I work at home today. I feel a bit dizzy but I don't know why. It might be related to PMS or even to Feldenkrais as it  releases tensions and I tend to somatize stress. I even didn't go out for a walk with big boy this morning! Anyway, I don't feel bad just... well, I'm sure you are all familiar with "not in the mood" days. I wish I had Pilates today and I also wish I haven't caught the flu!

On the positive side, we'll be going to the mountains until Monday to celebrate my partner's birthday. Hopefully my mood will improve (I'm sure it will). Just the two of us, so it will be a romantic gateway. The poor guy will try to relax and especially to sleep longer in the morning. I usually get up between 6:30 and 7:30 without an alarm clock: I'll finish the first scarf and begin the second while he snores.

Perhaps we will go the mountains also next week to attend a meditation seminar which will be held in a Buddhist monastery. Honestly, it's me who is interested but is he is too sensitive and good to say no. While I'll desperately try to calm my mind, he will fall asleep (guess why I call him sloth?!). I need a sloth, though, as I'm the opposite. I couldn't live with someone like me! He is always calm, easygoing, almost never upset or concerned, balanced and above all he likes sleeping. I have to go to bed before midnight in order to get enough sleep. No matter if he gets to bed at 10 p.m. or 3 a.m. ... he doesn't wake up until someone barks or shouts in his ears. I do wake up if I hear a butterfly flying outside my bedroom window (this is also why I've never moved to a big city: I need SILENCE).

I must confess that in more than 10 years together I've learned how to be less anxious but it has been a longat I have an unknown illness with high mortalty (and neve process and some efforts are still required. I'm better off now because of my sweet sloth and my interest in oriental philosophies otherwhise I would never sleep through the night and probably never stop thinking thr stop checking signs of ovulation: "we have to do it NOW, ok?" Yes, I tend to be this kind of person).

my partner climbing his favourite tree ;)

Venice (again)

The sun helps me feel better and I do feel fine today. Right after I published the post I realized that it was a mistake. I felt guilty because the post is about very private stuff and I didn't want to hurt my partner. However, I also became aware of the fact that "feeling guilty" doesn't help at all. I had the urgent need to write down my problems and the blog is a way to share and feel lighter.

I'm working on an ambitious paper focused on a very specific and complicated topic. I've been reading, analysing and studying many books and I feel lucky as I can explore one the most negleted aspect in my field. It's a lot of work, though, and I don't have much time to write two articles. Hopefully at some point I'll give up reading and I'll start writing.

At the end of the day I need to focus on something else, that's why I picked up a book written by the good contemporary Italian writer Melania Mazzucco. La caduta dell'Angelo is about Tintoretto and it's (obviously) set in Venice. I love reading books set in this magical city. MY Venice is far from the most popular places (San Marco, Rialto and so forth) and thanks to my ucle we had the chance to visit less well known and beautiful parts.