Perhaps Proust is a bit too heavy

after 50 pages one just wants to commit suicide (or fly to France which is even worse than suicide. Cheese is fabulous, Paris merveilleuse but French people...). Every year I think that it is just the right time to read In Search of Lost Time. I "taste" the first few pages to confirm that yes, the right time has come. As I read through I change my mind as it is a claustrophobic masterpiece. It is a shame as I would LOVE to read it but one has to be in the right mood.

So, what can I read? I should read in English but I must confess that I'm getting lazy. I use English all the time, sometimes it's good to lay in bed reading a book written in my own language. I'll probably read Il gioco dell'Angelo (The Angel's Game) as it is set in Barcelona and I'm going there in February for a couple of days (hopefully for more than just 2 days). Can't wait: Spain, Portugal and Greece are the only European countries where I feel almost at home.

I haven't done much today. I feel so tired for no reason. Well, I'm probably having what I usually have every single month: a severe PMS ( I have ALL the symptoms described there, what a lucky girl!). I feel like s*** and can't focus at all. I'll have to catch up tomorrow, otherwise someone is going to kill me pretty soon. To make things worse I have to go out tonight.

It's gray

or grey?

I'm not in the mood for anything except for knitting and reading which I can certainly do given that I work at home today. I feel a bit dizzy but I don't know why. It might be related to PMS or even to Feldenkrais as it  releases tensions and I tend to somatize stress. I even didn't go out for a walk with big boy this morning! Anyway, I don't feel bad just... well, I'm sure you are all familiar with "not in the mood" days. I wish I had Pilates today and I also wish I haven't caught the flu!

On the positive side, we'll be going to the mountains until Monday to celebrate my partner's birthday. Hopefully my mood will improve (I'm sure it will). Just the two of us, so it will be a romantic gateway. The poor guy will try to relax and especially to sleep longer in the morning. I usually get up between 6:30 and 7:30 without an alarm clock: I'll finish the first scarf and begin the second while he snores.

Perhaps we will go the mountains also next week to attend a meditation seminar which will be held in a Buddhist monastery. Honestly, it's me who is interested but is he is too sensitive and good to say no. While I'll desperately try to calm my mind, he will fall asleep (guess why I call him sloth?!). I need a sloth, though, as I'm the opposite. I couldn't live with someone like me! He is always calm, easygoing, almost never upset or concerned, balanced and above all he likes sleeping. I have to go to bed before midnight in order to get enough sleep. No matter if he gets to bed at 10 p.m. or 3 a.m. ... he doesn't wake up until someone barks or shouts in his ears. I do wake up if I hear a butterfly flying outside my bedroom window (this is also why I've never moved to a big city: I need SILENCE).

I must confess that in more than 10 years together I've learned how to be less anxious but it has been a longat I have an unknown illness with high mortalty (and neve process and some efforts are still required. I'm better off now because of my sweet sloth and my interest in oriental philosophies otherwhise I would never sleep through the night and probably never stop thinking thr stop checking signs of ovulation: "we have to do it NOW, ok?" Yes, I tend to be this kind of person).

my partner climbing his favourite tree ;)