Sometimes I feel the urge to hug and kiss my colleagues but I refrain from showing affection. There is a sort of unwritten rule or etiquette: if love is not involved it’s better to avoid physical contact, especially at the work place. Cheek kissing is fine, it’s our greeting habit but I would hug them more if it wasn’t considered inappropriate which I don’t think it is even in professional settings. We all are approximately the same age and we are not sexually interested in each other but still there are physical boundaries that I don’t fully understand.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to establish physical boundaries in relationships and I don’t necessarily want to be touched and hugged all the time. However, I think that my country is increasingly becoming a touch deprived society and I’m wondering what has led us to this. I’m aware this could be seen as a rough generalization but I think that “showing affection” has become so sexualized that even very warm people like Italians refrain from conveying warmth. It is sad though because it would be much easier to be open and clear instead of avoiding contact because it may be not appropriate.
Through the sexual objectification of women in Italy and elsewhere friendliness is sometimes seen as an interest that goes far beyond friendship. “I don’t hug because I’m not sexually interested in you” is, I think, a common approach. However, physical manifestations of empathy are very important to reduce stress for instance and chimps know it better us.
Body contact is so sexualized that we tend to avoid it and I miss it! I would feel more comfortable if I could hug my male colleagues more often instead of thinking that I shouldn’t because I don’t want to sleep with them.
